Inappropriate Messages from a Homeowner or Sitter: What to Do

Home > Blog > Inappropriate Messages During a House Sit

Note: Caro and I are not lawyers. Nothing in this article is legal advice. Laws around harassment and inappropriate communication vary significantly by country. If you are dealing with a serious situation, please research the laws in your specific jurisdiction before taking action, and seek professional advice if needed.

Quick Facts

House sitting is a professional exchange built on trust. The vast majority of homeowners and sitters treat it that way. When a message crosses a line — overly personal, flirtatious, or worse — the most effective response is a direct, calm, non-accusatory statement of your position as soon as it happens. Staying silent rarely resolves it. Saying something early, clearly, and without drama almost always does.

Caro and I have never received an inappropriate message across twenty sits. Part of that is probably the way we approach the relationship. Professionally, with clear boundaries, and with both of us present on video calls and included in every message thread. A group chat where both sitters and the homeowner are present removes most of the conditions that allow for inappropriate contact to develop.

But inappropriate messages do happen in this community. The forum discussion about receiving TMI from a host. Oversharing about relationship problems, health issues, personal struggles. Is a real category of discomfort. So is flirtatious messaging from a homeowner or sitter who has misjudged the nature of the exchange. And at the more serious end, explicit or threatening contact that should be reported immediately.

This article covers the full range and what to do at each level. All sits through TrustedHouseSitters. Use our 25% discount when joining.

Why People Stay Silent

The research is consistent on this: many sitters stay silent about inappropriate messages because they are afraid. Afraid of losing the sit. Afraid of a bad review. Afraid of creating confrontation on a platform where their profile depends on maintaining good relationships.

This is especially true for newer sitters who are still building their review record. When Caro and I were starting out, we were putting extra effort into getting five-star reviews. In that state, red flags that would now be automatic stops were things we might have brushed over in order to keep the sit alive.

The problem with staying silent is that it rarely resolves anything. It can signal that the behaviour is acceptable or at least tolerable, which in many cases encourages it to continue. I have met people who ignored advances and stayed silent throughout, and the other person truly believed the dynamic was fine because nothing had been said to suggest otherwise. By saying nothing, you are not protecting yourself. You are postponing a harder version of the same conversation.

Saying something early, clearly, and without drama is almost always the better path. Our building trust guide covers what a healthy, professional sitter-homeowner communication looks like from the start.

The Spectrum: From TMI (to much information) to Serious

Not all uncomfortable messages are the same. The range matters because the response is different at each level.

Oversharing and TMI. A homeowner who shares unsolicited details about their divorce, health problems, or emotional struggles is placing you in a role you did not sign up for. This is not criminal. It is poor boundary awareness. In those moments, a gentle redirect works well: "I appreciate you sharing that, though I'm probably not the best person to discuss these things with." That is enough. It is kind, it is honest, and it closes the door without creating conflict.

Overly personal questions. Questions about your relationship status, whether you are traveling alone, what your personal life looks like. These are not relevant to the sit and can create a pressure dynamic where the sitter worries that not answering will cost them the arrangement. These deserve a clear but relaxed response that redirects to the sit.

Flirtatious messaging. This one requires careful reading. Some people are naturally very warm and their friendliness can come across as flirtatious without any intention behind it. Jumping to a conclusion about intent can damage a relationship that was never problematic. If you are truly unsure, the most direct thing is to ask or to simply name how the message landed: "I just want to make sure we are on the same page about keeping things professional." This gives the other person a chance to clarify without accusation. If the tone continues after that, the intent is clear.

Explicit or seriously inappropriate contact. A message that contains sexual content, a proposition, or anything that makes you feel unsafe requires no nuance. Screenshot it, report it to the platform immediately, and do not continue the conversation. You owe no explanation or polite decline to someone who has already violated clear norms.

Persistent contact after a boundary is stated. If you have said you are not comfortable and the messages continue, that is a different category. Document everything and report it. The platform needs to see a pattern.

Our TrustedHouseSitters conflict resolution guide covers the formal dispute process and the 30-day window that applies.

Say Something. Directly and Without Accusation

The core principle across all of this is simple: name it as soon as it happens, calmly and non-accusatorially.

This is harder than it sounds. Most of us have been socialised to smooth things over rather than create a moment of friction, particularly when something material is at stake. A sit, a review, a relationship we have invested time in. But the friction of a direct early conversation is significantly smaller than the friction of allowing the dynamic to continue and then having to address it after weeks of accumulated discomfort.

If during a video call a homeowner says something that makes you uncomfortable, address it in the same call or immediately afterwards. "I want to mention that I felt a bit uncomfortable with that comment. I'd prefer we keep things focused on the sit." That is enough. No accusation, no drama, no lengthy explanation.

If it happens in a message: "I just want to keep our communication focused on the sit and the pets' care. I'm not comfortable with this type of conversation." Then redirect.

The cultural dimension is worth acknowledging here. House sitting takes place across many countries and cultures, and what reads as inappropriately familiar in one context can be entirely normal in another. This does not mean you have to accept something that makes you uncomfortable. It means that before assuming the worst, it is worth considering whether a cultural difference is at play. And if so, naming that directly as well. "I think we may have different norms around this. I'm more comfortable keeping things professional. I hope that makes sense."

When the Platform Gets Involved

If the inappropriate contact happened on the platform, report it there and keep it there. Sending the screenshots to platform support creates a timestamped record. Even if the support cannot act immediately, the record means that if this person has done the same to others, a pattern is visible. That pattern is what leads to account removal.

The platform can flag accounts and remove members for serious violations of their terms of service. What they cannot do is adjudicate a dispute about whether a message was "really" inappropriate or compensate you for distress. The platform record is about community protection, not personal resolution.

If the contact has moved off-platform to WhatsApp, personal email, or other channels, document all of it. Include dates, times, and screenshots in whatever you send to support. Our cameras and privacy guide covers what documentation is legally usable in different contexts. Useful if a situation ever moves toward a formal complaint.

When to Walk Away

If a homeowner's communication makes you feel truly unsafe before the sit begins, the sit is not worth doing. There will always be other sits. A profile with one fewer review is a better outcome than arriving at a property where the dynamic is already compromised.

If it happens during a sit, the calculation is more complex because animals are involved. The priority is ensuring the pets are cared for while you remove yourself from an unsafe situation. Contact the platform, explain the situation, and ask for support in finding a replacement sitter if necessary. Most platforms treat safety concerns as a legitimate reason for cancellation without penalty. Our reactive dog and difficult sit guide has a relevant section on knowing when a sit is not manageable and how to exit it responsibly.

The gut feeling test is reliable. If something feels wrong, it probably is. You do not need to wait for a clear, unambiguous violation before you decide this is not a situation you want to be in.

Preventing the Conditions

The practical setup that removes most of this risk: both partners on every video call, a group chat that includes everyone from the start, and communication kept on the platform rather than migrating to personal channels before you have established trust.

When communication is in a shared group and both people are visible, the dynamic is different from a private one-to-one exchange. It is not foolproof but it removes a significant amount of the ambiguity that allows inappropriate contact to develop.

Join TrustedHouseSitters with 25% off. DM us @housesittersguide on Instagram. We answer everyone.

Response Templates by Situation

Frequently Asked Questions

• Is it normal to feel uncomfortable with a homeowner's messages even if nothing explicit was said?

  Yes, and that feeling is worth paying attention to. Discomfort does not require a clear line to have been crossed. The house sitting exchange is professional and the communication should feel that way. If a pattern of messages feels off. Too personal, too probing, or too familiar too quickly. That is enough information to name it. The forum discussion that prompted this article was exactly this: TMI from a homeowner that was never explicit but made the sitter feel like a confidant rather than a professional. That feeling is legitimate.

• What do I say if I am not sure whether a message was inappropriate or just friendly?

  Name it directly and non-accusatorially, then observe the response. "I just want to make sure we are keeping things professional" is not an accusation. It gives the other person a chance to recalibrate if the tone was unintentional. If it continues after that, the question is answered. Many people are truly unaware that their communication style lands differently than they intend. Particularly across cultures where norms around warmth and familiarity differ.

• Should I report a message to THS even if I am not sure it violates their terms?

  Yes. Report it and let them assess it. Reporting does not automatically result in account action. What it does is create a record. If the same person has sent similar messages to others, your report contributes to a pattern that the platform can act on. You are not "ruining someone's reputation" by reporting. The person built that record themselves.

• Can I cancel a sit because of inappropriate messages without it affecting my profile?

  Contact the platform support team and explain the situation before cancelling. When safety or inappropriate conduct is the reason for cancellation, most platforms treat it differently from a standard cancellation. Explain what happened, provide the screenshots, and ask explicitly whether the cancellation will affect your standing. Most platforms will not penalise a sitter who cancels for documented safety reasons.

Related Guides